How do friendships change from childhood to adolescence?
Friendships can affect many areas of young adolescents' lives—grades, how they spend their time, what clubs they join and how they behave in public places, such as a shopping mall. Youngsters who have trouble forming friendships are more likely to have poor self-esteem, do poorly in school, drop out, get involved in delinquent behavior and suffer from a range of psychological problems as adults. Show Children of all ages need to feel that they fit in—that they belong. As children approach the teen years, the need to be "one of the gang" is stronger than at any other age. Friendships become closer and more important and play a key part in allowing young adolescents to sort out who they are and where they're headed. They are likely to form small groups or cliques, each with a special identity (for example, jocks, brains, preppies or geeks). Many parents worry that their children's friends will become so influential in their lives that their own roles will diminish. Parents worry still more that their children's friends will encourage them to take part in harmful activities. Studies by psychologist Thomas Berndt and his colleagues have shown that friends do influence one another's attitudes and behavior and that, over time, friends become more and more similar in their attitudes and behavior. For example, adolescents whose friends described themselves as more disruptive in school increased in disruption themselves over the school year. The peak period for peer influence is generally from seventh to ninth grades. During this time, friends often influence taste in music, clothes or hairstyles, as well as the activities in which youngsters choose to participate. However, peers do not replace parents.You are still the most important influence in your child's life. Young teens are more inclined to turn to their parents than to peers for guidance in deciding what post-high-school plans to make, what career to select and what religious and moral values to choose. This influence is greatest when the bond between parent and child is strong. Here are some tips to guide you in helping your child to form good friendships:
Ideally, youngsters themselves can be the ones to say "no" to a potentially dangerous or destructive situation. But if they haven't yet learned this skill, parent Marianne Cavanaugh from Connecticut suggests an alternative: "Sometimes kids don't want to do what their peers want them to do. I tell my kids to blame me—to tell their friends that their Mom says 'no.' This helps get them off the hook." Finally, no child going out for an evening should be without change for a phone call. As a last resort, this may be his lifeline. A cell phone may also be appropriate if family finances allow one and if the child knows how to use the phone responsibly. Many middle school teachers and parents have different opinions as to whether parents can or should try to stop their children from seeing a friend that the parents dislike. Some youngsters will rebel if told they can't spend time with certain friends. Many adults who have worked with young teens suggest that you let your child know that you disapprove of a friendship and why you disapprove. They also suggest that you limit the amount of time and the activities that you will allow with the friend. Many adults who have worked with yound teens suggest that you let your child know that you disapprove of a friendship and why you disapprove. |