Basic listening skills in counseling
Listening is a key counselling skill. It is the art of obtaining the information you need from a speaker, whilst encouraging them to open up and share their issues.
Thank you Mr Peck for this realistic evaluation of the importance of listening.Effective listening requires full concentration. Show
No matter how good we think we are at doing several things at once, good listening skills require us to give the person we are listening to our full attention. Learn to listen effectivelyWhen listening you should use the following strategies to acquire what you really need to know from either speakers, or anyone who is providing you with information you need to process: Put them at their ease.Converse in a friendly and relaxed manner to encourage them to open up. Use positive body language to show you are listening.Face the person and make eye contact. Smile and nod as they speak to inspire them to carry on with their story. Another trick to show you are listening is to mirror their body position and lean slightly towards them as they are speaking to you. You should also stay still as you listen if you fidget youre showing distraction. Dont cross your arms across your body. Listen to the words the person uses to assess their emotions.If they are using aggressive language they are likely to be angry and upset.The opposite of this is if the person is very quiet and hardly speaks and needs you to encourage them to open up. What tone and pitch of voice are they using? A raised and high voice is also a sign of anger.Plus, of course, tears are a sign of emotional stress and losing control. When listening to someone who is crying you should ensure you maintain a neutral position and dont become emotionally involved yourself. Paraphrase the main points of what the person has said to check your understanding.This ensures the person knows you have been listening and you know you have gathered the right information. Repeat what they have said in different words, which will also help them to realise what information they have given you.
Open and closed questionsOpen questions are best asked when listening as they allow the speaker to recount their story in their own words and will provide you with the information you need to give the appropriate advice. Open questions also keep the speaker talking, as it is important they speak more than you. For example: How do you feel about ____________? is an open question and encourages a much longer answer than Are you happy with ________?, which would prompt a yes or no answer and halt the conversation. Other examples of open questions are:
Closed questions can be used to stop the conversation if the speaker is going off at a tangent.
Active listeningThis is another key listening skill. Your objective is to say as little as possible and not ask too many questions.As the listener (particularly with counselling) you should not give your personal opinion on the speakers situation. You must remain neutral and only offer advice that is relevant to the speakers issues. This is quite a difficult skill to learn as our instinct as human beings, particularly in our culture, is to fill the silence. Tips for effective listening:
Listen to whats being said and whats NOT being saidThe unspoken words are almost as important as the spoken. You can identify these from body language: If the person is slumped in their chair rather than sitting upright, they dont make eye contact or they can´t sit still they are likely to be very agitated and perhaps want to say more than they feel able. Your skill as the listener is to identify these signs and encourage the speaker to open up.
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